The time traveler’s suitcase

April 14, 2011

Have you seen the movie The Time Traveler’s Wife? The story revolves around the relationship between a young woman and a guy who can travel through time. The catch is that he cannot control when he travels. This really presents a serious problem for their relationship.

Another major catch—at least it would be for me—is that he always arrives naked at his destination.

Brrrr, yipes, ouch, and a whole lot of other expletives. This would be a major bummer.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time contemplating the idea of traveling through time, mostly because I love reading books that involve time travel. Not the H.G. Wells type, though. I’m talking romance. The kind where the heroine is vacationing in Scotland, steps into a patch of grass while hiking off the beaten path in the Highlands, and ends up in a medieval castle. Naturally, she’s saved from her predicament by a handsome warrior who happens to be the leader of his clan and they live happily ever after.

I vacationed in Scotland many years ago, before I developed my fascination with this genre of book. Obviously, I made it back and didn’t step into any mysterious hidey holes while I was there. Good thing, too, because if I were going to travel through time like the guy in the movie or the heroine in the book, I would most definitely want to pack a suitcase to bring with me.

Time travel requires some very careful packing.

This would be non-negotiable. There are things a girl’s just got to have regardless of the time period. With this in mind, here’s my list of my time travel must haves:

  1. M&Ms. Chocolate didn’t make its way over to Europe until sometime in the 1500s and wasn’t around in medieval times. A world without chocolate? I believe they call that H-E-double toothpicks. I’m not going anywhere without my little candy-coated pieces of chocolate perfection.
  2. Advil. I know they used herbs and all that natural stuff for whatever ailed them, but why bother when I can just bring my handy bottle of Advil with me?
  3. Toothpaste/Toothbrush/Floss. Dental hygiene left something to be desired back then. I’ve grown kind of partial to my teeth and prefer to keep them as long as possible.
  4. Amazon Kindle. There’s only so many times you can read Beowulf.
  5. Razor. Just not into the whole hairy beast au naturel thing.
  6. Deodorant and deodorant soap. People actually thought bathing during the winter months could kill them. What?! I know everyone else would be incredibly smelly, but I don’t think I could stand smelling myself 24/7 without a little help from Johnson & Johnson.
  7. Ipod. Because there just isn’t enough screaming guitar in Gregorian chant.
  8. Tampons. No explanation required.
  9. Cross-Trainers. The mode of transportation was horse or foot. If you’re going to do all that walking, you need more than a piece of fabric covering your feet.
  10. Underwear. Again, no explanation required.

I asked the Big Man what he would pack in his suitcase. At first he wouldn’t even consider the question because the idea of a world without television and sports was just too frightening. Eventually, he acquiesced and, not surprisingly, his packing list is a bit different from mine:

  1. Toilet paper.
  2. Pizza delivery.
  3. Golf clubs.
  4. The current issue of every sports magazine in publication.

I'm not sure how the Big Man would fit this into his suitcase.

What would you pack in your suitcase?

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