How not to look old

February 7, 2011

Most mornings while I was growing up Mama Chick would wake me for school or church by opening my bedroom door and uttering words of wisdom like “time is flying” or “time is moving on” or my favorite, “time waits for no one.” She was forced to draw from her arsenal of clichés in an effort to prod my non-morning-person carcass out of bed in time to get where I needed to be.

I didn’t realize at the time just how true those words were. We simply cannot stop the hands of time.

But, can we slow them down?

According to Charla Krupp, author of the book “How Not to Look Old” the answer is YES YES YES. In the pages of this beauty tome, she offers advice on how to avoid looking like an old lady (OL) and instead project an image that is young and hip (YH). Well, this Chick aspires to all things hip, so I thought I’d give some of her ideas a try.

First, you must wear pink lipstick. It doesn’t matter if it’s day or evening, whether you’re going out for a night on the town or heading to the office, or what your skin color is, pink is the magic color of youth. Ok, but don’t tell all my mauve, red and plum lipsticks that I’m cheating on them.

Just say no to heavy eyeliner and shadow. Liner should be brown, gray or green and should be worn very lightly right along the upper lash line. No lining the entire eye, either. Draw it from the outer corner inward and stop a little past halfway. Shadow should be neutral and blended without distinct color blocks on the lid. I totally agree about the shadow, but I’m not feelin’ the love about the liner. Some Chicks just need a little more uumph and a little more liner.

Wear cream blush, not powder. But Charla, I haven’t worn cream blush since I was in high school. Hmmm. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe I started to morph into an OL when I gave up cream blush upon graduation from high school.

Foundation should be light and sheer and worn lightly. No line of demarcation at the chin or neck. Can I get a Woop Woop? Amen to this tidbit. Nothing worse than a two-tone chin.

Hair should be loose and natural—similar to how it looks when you spend the day running errands. No heavy sprays, helmet head, or short hair. Huh? Are you kidding me? Parking lot hair is SO not attractive on this Chick.

Here’s my before picture complete with hairspray, plum eyeliner, powder blush, and mauve lipstick.

AARP just left me a voicemail. Says my card is in the mail.

But here’s the fabulous YH me! Messy hair? Check. Pink lipstick? Check. Light eyeliner and shadow? Check.

A little more washed out and tired than young and hip? Check.

One more try. I think I may have discovered the real secret to looking YH.

So you see, the key to not looking old is all in the accessories.

I’m surprised they didn’t include that chapter in the book.

Chickaliciousness: 3 for teaching this OL a few new YH tricks

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

2girlsonabench February 8, 2011 at 7:32 pm

We may or may not be doing all of these things on any given day, yes, including the pacifier. Good laughs here, we’ve been ignoring AARP’s calls, just send them straight to voice mail.

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