Borrowing a phrase from Britney, all I can say is “oops, I did it again.”
I fell for another marketing gimmick I saw on TV.
This time, my product of choice was the iRenew Bracelet. I’m sure you’ve seen it. This is the bracelet that is supposed to help you “live your life to the fullest!” Being the sucker that I am, I thought this sounded like a pretty good idea. Whose life, after all, couldn’t use just a little filling out? I figured that surely mine must have some corner, cubby hole, or pocket that could be expanded.
When I saw the iRenew one day while I was out doing some last minute Christmas shopping, I couldn’t resist its siren song. The claims of promoting balance, strength and endurance –all for the low, low price of just $19.99– got to me. Plus, it was Christmastime and I was stressed. My resistance was down.
Being a glass is half full kind of person (ok, gullible), I had great expectations of this strip of black rubber with a piece of metal stuck on it. I wrestled it from its bullet proof, child proof, and Chick proof clamshell package and followed the directions for adjusting the size to fit my wrist. After slipping it on and fastening the clasp repeatedly until it actually stayed closed, I waited. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was waiting for, but I thought maybe I’d feel some kind of zing or pop or at least a mild tingle indicating that the bracelet had gone to work on filling up those random spaces that were apparently unfulfilled in my life.
I felt nothing.
Then the Big Man came home. I dared him to try to push me over just like they show in the commercial. After laughing at me for actually buying this thing and believing its claims, he accepted my challenge. The picture below is the view of my ceiling from the floor. It seems the iRenew is no match for the Big Man. Balance test: FAILED.
So, bracelet in place, I headed to my Zumba dance class to see if it would increase my strength and endurance. This class is a great cardiovascular workout and I can always use all the help I can get in getting through the workout. Sixty minutes and many hops, twists, samba and salsa steps later, I was just a pooped as I always am. Strength and endurance tests: FAILED.
I decided to give the bracelet one more chance by wearing it around the house to see if maybe it would inspire me to feats of great cleaning achievement. Even the dust bunnies laughed this time as the Housekeeper of the Year prize van sped past my house without passing Go or stopping to collect $200.
After much trial and error, I finally found a use for my iRenew that seems perfectly suited to its unique abilities.
I call it iSparagus Renewed. It makes a great conversation piece in my dining room.
Chickaliciousness: 0 for iNcredibly iNeffective